you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
