Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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