Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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