someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize