Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
