Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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