dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
