Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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