She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
