anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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