im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
40s are totally the cure
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize