the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
