So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
