What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
