how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
