you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
