Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
