stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
