Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
