I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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