Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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