party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
