Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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