Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dicks are not precious.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize