My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
