Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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