pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
