I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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