Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize