New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
