we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
