I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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