Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
