I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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