carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
