What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
