I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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