My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
