Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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