even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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