what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
