What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
