Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
