Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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