yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
