just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
