I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize