dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
