Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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