every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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