Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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