I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
