no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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