What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
