I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
