What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
