i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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