I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
