I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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