Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
