found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize