Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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