took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
