the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
