We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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