Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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