ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
