Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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