I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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