I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
