I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
