I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
