Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
