He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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