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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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