trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize