I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
