i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
