Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
