I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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