Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
