I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
