every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
