I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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