i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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