Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
