Are we in a gay sports bar?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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