The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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