You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize