never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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