hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
