the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
