he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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