life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
