y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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