Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
