Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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