I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
