I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
