"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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