Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize