Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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