Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
