I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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