last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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