Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
