I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
